If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
