Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
