They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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