Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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