i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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