my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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