It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Welp...herpes.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
