it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
