my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
