i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
