the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
