So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
