The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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