Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
