Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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