just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
