Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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