I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
