Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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