So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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