he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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