it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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