So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We left an ass print on the piano.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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