Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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