??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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