I wannas sexs uuuuu
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
