I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
