Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
