Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
