wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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