This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
