I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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