I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize