If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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