Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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