Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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