The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
