worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
