I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
