Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
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A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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