took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
