my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
