so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
