It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
