Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
