only you would photoshop your dick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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