just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
