dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We are all done wearing pants today
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
