if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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