Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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