I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
