I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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