i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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