There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
