Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
