I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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