Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
