I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
