i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
