so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
