Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
