Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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