Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize