I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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