I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
