yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
