im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
