She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
