I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
