I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
