put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
